


Blur

by prcttyodd



Category: Phandom, youtube - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, M/M, Phan - Freeform, Phanfiction, Sad
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-24
Updated: 2018-12-08
Packaged: 2019-01-04 15:37:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 15,961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12171795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prcttyodd/pseuds/prcttyodd
Summary: Set in an alternate universe(AU) in which you can only see a person's face if they are your lover/soulmate.Dan Howell is anything but normal. After losing the love of his love(or so he thought), he shuts himself away from everyone and everything. Love is all his society cares about, and he doesn't believe in it anymore so why bother? His love was gone, and he would never be happy again. He couldn't see another face, so what was the point? It just wasn't possible. Or so he thought...Phil Lester, on the other hand, has been searching for his soulmate since day one. Everyone's face is blurred and he can't figure out  why. That is, until he sees the boy dressed in all black, Dan. Phil can't believe it. His soulmate is the one that shut himself away? The one that had already seen a face before? The one that had already lost his love?





	1. Chapter 1

17 years ago... 

Most kids are scared when they first come into the world. 

Most of them cry, and scream uncontrollably. Most people say that it's because seeing someone who is faceless is just not all that appealing to a child, some say that it's because they can't stand how cold the real world is compared to the uterus that they developed in. 

For Dan Howell, none of this was the case. He didn't cry when he first came into the world. In fact, the doctors didn't even think that the boy was alive. 

They had done the usual, and had tried to make him cry. But he didn't. He wouldn't cry. They thought that he had problems, that his lungs weren't working properly, even though he was breathing just fine. 

Because of this, Dan and his mother had to stay in the hospital much longer than they should have. The doctors ran test on top of test, and everything was just fine. 

That's when Dan's mother realized, her son wasn't normal. In fact, he was far from it. He wasn't like the others. 

This showed throughout the years. 

12 years ago... 

A trademark of the society that Dan and his family reside in is finding love. You don't choose yourself, it is chosen for you. But most people are very determined to find who this is. 

It was easy to know who it was. Because you get to see their face. Sometimes, people don't like who they are paired with, but that never matters. Who you have has already been chosen and there was no going back. 

Only one person could see your face. And that was your soulmate. 

Dan had first seen his soulmate when he was 5 years old. It was typical to see them at a young age. 

Most kids went home happy and excited, telling their parents that they had seen someone's face, the one thing that people in this world cared about most. They were proud. 

Dan, on the other hand, had come home crying. 

"What's wrong?" His mother had asked him, kneeling so that she was eye level with her child. 

Dan looked up, still teary eyed. "I... I saw a face today." 

Dan's mother grabbed his hand and squeezed. "Honey... why are you crying? That's a good thing. It means you found the one that you're going to love forever." She smiled at him, but didn't get a response back. 

At least for a few seconds anyway. "Love doesn't end well... it never does." Dan mumbled, not looking towards his mother. 

"No... don't say that." His mom replied, taking his small hand into and her own and looking away as well. Although she couldn't see her son's face, she could envision just what he looked like right about now. That was the hardest part of being a mother. She would never be able to see her son's face. Someone else would someday and she she wouldn't get to. 

She would be lying if she said she didn't expect what her son was going to say next. 

"But... but... look at what happened with you and dad." 

It was something that the Howell family never spoke of. In fact, Dan wasn't even meant to have found out about it. 

His mom had always lied, and said that his father had passed away, which of course was normal. 

But the truth was, Dan's father was still alive. It was a rare case, because the man had claimed that he had "fallen out of love", and ended up leaving his family to live on his own. 

Of course, this was extremely looked down upon by everyone around him, since once you found your soulmate, you had to be with them forever. But Dan's father, he didn't exactly about that, and Dan's mother for the life of her could not figure out why. It still hurt her to this day. 

"Dan." She said through gritted teeth. "Do not bring that up. I tried everything to bring him back here, okay? Just please." She said, and her angry expression turned into one of sadness very quickly.

"Mum, I'm sorry." Dan said, grabbing his mother's hand. "I'm really sorry. I guess it's good that I saw a face." He then went to his room, and did other things, like play with toys, to occupy himself. He didn't know exactly what to think of all of this, so he decided that not thinking at all might make it go away, or maybe even go a little more smooth. 

He was wrong. 

XX 

Present Day 

Dan sometimes wondered what the world would be like if it were a different place. He wondered what it would be like if he could see everyone's face, if he got to pick who he loved. Or if there wasn't love at all. What if there was no pressure to find someone to spend your life with? What if you could simply do whatever you wanted in life, without the pressure of needing to have someone? 

"Love doesn't end well, it never does." Was something Dan always reminded himself, and nothing happened to prove him wrong. He was convinced that love never ended happy, but always in tragedy. 

The day Dan had first seen a face was one he'd never forget, and it would often run through his mind, like a favorite episode of a TV show that you watched over and over. Today was no exception, and as he sat on his bed, the event played through his head... 

XX

12 years ago...

"Hey, I can see your face!" 

Dan watched as the person approached him. It was a boy, and he could see all of his features clearly. His hair was curly and full, and it was a dark brown. His eyes were blue, not a light blue, but a dark ocean blue. The boy seemed excited to see Dan's face, but Dan just looked down and continued to work on the day's work, which was a math/coloring sheet. 

"Hey! Did you hear me!" The boy wasn't going to leave him alone, it seemed. 

"Yeah I did. I can see yours too." He said, mindlessly coloring in the photo on the page as he solved the problems. 

"What's your name?" The boy asked. School has only been in session for a few weeks, so the children hadn't really gotten a grasp of each other name's yet. 

"Dan." 

"Cool! I'm Miles!" The boy smiled. 

Dan gave a weak smile back. The thing was, most kids didn't associate seeing a face with "love" or their "soulmate". They were told from practically the day they learned to walk and talk that when they saw a face they would have to tell their parents right away because it was a great thing, but never knew exactly why. Except for Dan, of course. Love and the whole soulmate thing was the very cause of all of his problems in life, so of course he would know all about it.

Dan tried his best to ignore Miles, but as a few days went by, he realized that ignoring him just couldn't be done. 

There was no escaping fate, no matter how much the future scared you. No matter how much it was bound to fail. He was stuck, forever. 

XX 

"So... what am I supposed to do now, mum?" Dan asked at the breakfast table, looking down into his cereal bowl. It had been exactly a week since he saw Miles' face. 

"What do you mean, Dan?" She asked. Her son , if she was being honest, scared the hell out of her sometimes. He knew much more about the world than he should, and often his questions were ones she couldn't answer. 

"Now that I saw a face, what am supposed to do?" 

She shrugged. "You wait. You wait until the two of you can get married. In the meantime, you two can spend time together and get to know each other, although you don't really have to do much since you're so young." She realized she was rambling and stopped herself . "Just don't worry about it, okay?" 

"Whatever." He said. He and his mom both knew that he would keep worrying about it. 

That was just the way Dan was.  

XX 

A/N: YES I AM SO EXCITED FOR THIS BOOK!! 

Also, to clear a few things up, since this is an AU and I know there will be confusion. 

1\. The story will be told like this, with flashbacks and the present. (In future chapters it will be less messy, don't worry.) Yes, this is still Phan. Miles is simply an original character, and his and Dan's story will play a big part in this book, so of course it will be told. Phil will be in the next chapter, don't fret! 

2\. Being gay in this world is seen the same as anything. It's an AU, and the gender of your partner isn't a problem. 

If you have any questions, feel free to ask, although some things are going to be explained later on ! But feel free to ask me anything at any point :) 

Thanks for reading, have a great day or night!


	2. 2.

Present Day... 

Phil Lester was extremely happy and energetic, he always had been. From the moment he was born, he was the sort of child that loved to explore and learn new things. 

He learned to speak, walk, and do other various other things weeks before other children usually would, his mother could barely keep up with him. 

"Mum, mum, mum!" He would call out whenever he was excited and wanted to go somewhere, before he was able to form other words. 

His mother was proud of him, and was ecstatic to have such an intelligent and fast learning child. 

There was only one thing Phil was a bit delayed on, though. 

And that was seeing a face. 

Of course, there was no time stamp on finding your soulmate, you didn't necessarily have to see them when you were young, it just meant that they were somewhere that you currently weren't. 

The fact that he didn't see one still made his mother sort of anxious, so she took him to new places, hoping that he would tell her that he had seen someone. 

He never did.

Maybe he'll find his soulmate later in life. Maybe it'll just take awhile. 

That was what she had continuously told herself, every single day. 

Phil hated to see his mom upset with him, so he hoped that he would see a face soon. 

But it wasn't only for that reason that he wanted to see a face. He was excited to meet his soulmate as well. The way that everyone always talked about it had made him immensely excited. 

He watched as all of his classmates saw faces and rushed home to tell their parents. He watched, wishing that h could see his soulmate soon. 

But here he was, a 17 year old, and he still saw nothing. 

"What if... I just don't have a soulmate mum?" He pitched at the dinner table, and his mom immediately looked at him in dismay. 

"Philip Michael Lester! Don't speak like that. Of course you have a soulmate. We all do." 

"Not all of us..." Phil looked down, and his mother knew exactly what he was referring to. The loners. 

The loners were a group of people that lived in a closed off area away from the rest of the world. They had never seen a face, and never were going to. If you don't see a face by the age of 18, you are a loner. 

Phil's mother refused to believe that her son would turn out to be a loner. He couldn't be. She didn't want him to have to live somewhere far away, where god knows what happens. 

Phil didn't want it to be true either, but he couldn't help but thinking that it just may be his fate. 

He often wondered what the place where the loners lived looked like. What they ate. What they were forced to do. Were they punished? Or did they just have to live separate? Whenever anyone would talk about the loners, they regarded them as prisoners and criminals. 

"Phil, you have months until you turn eighteen years old. You will see someone. I promise." His mother told him, and he wanted to believe her, but for some reason, he just couldn't bring himself to do so. 

"Okay Mom. You're right. I will." He lied, staring back down at his food. 

He only had a few months until he was considered a loner... 

XX 

Phil was definitely a morning person. He woke up easy, he was never grouchy(most of the time at least), and always was ready for school on time. 

He was always ready to start his day, and wondered why everyone around him didn't feel the same. 

He always climbed into his bus full of energy and drive, and today was no exception. 

He sat in his usual seat, like any other normal day. Little did he know, this day would be far from normal. Today would be the day he saw his soulmate, and it was someone he'd never expect. 

Soon as he walked into his first class of the day, he was thrown off guard by what he saw. A face. 

Namely, Dan Howell's face. 

No. It couldn't be. Dan couldn't have another soulmate, could he? 

"Hey!" He exclaimed, walking up to Dan's desk. "I can see your face." 

Dan was wearing all black, just like he did every single day since his incident. 

"Yeah. Haha. Very funny." Dan sarcastically said, without looking up. 

"I'm not kidding! Can you see mine?" He asked, and Dan still didn't look up. 

"Mister Lester, please refrain from making jokes like that. What happened to Dan was not good and not something to make a joke of." The teacher stated, and Phil let out a sigh. 

"No. I'm not trying to joke around. I can actually see his face!" 

At this point, everyone in the class was turned towards the two. 

Once Dan finally decided to look up, he was shocked with what he saw. 

A face. Phil's face. 

He could see his porcelain-like skin, his pretty blue eyes, every little feature. 

"H... how?" Was all Dan could manage, and everyone thought the same. It wasn't possible. 

He couldn't have a soulmate again. He had already had one. You didn't get a second one, no matter how your first one had ended. 

So why could Dan see the boy in front of him? 

XX 

Phil was excited to tell his mother of the news that he had finally seen a face, but wasn't excited about the fact that he also had to tell her that the face he had seen belonged to Dan Howell. 

"Phil, you do realize they'll know if you're lying right? They're still going to send you to live with the loners even if you pretend you saw something. There's no way you saw his face. No way." His mother said. 

Phil sighed. "I'm not lying. I saw him, and he saw me. That's all there is to it. Even if I was lying, why would he? You know he wouldn't make up something like that. Not after what happened." 

"You're right. But still, how is that possible? You don't get two soulmates. And why didn't you see his face from the start then? Why did it take all of this time just to see him? If he really was your soulmate, why would it take so long? And why didn't you see it right after the incident either? It just doesn't make any sense." His mom was going on and on at this point, and Phil was zoning out. 

As his mother continued to speak, he wondered what exactly he was going to do about this situation. 

It was already bad, and it was going to only get worse from this point on, he knew that for a fact. 

XX

A/N I'm sorry this took forever to get out!! But I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, and the beginning of Dan and Phil's story. There's so much more to go! I hope you're all as excited as I am! 

Thanks for reading!


	3. 3.

Present Day... 

The fact that Phil Lester had seen Dan Howell's face was everywhere. Everyone was talking about it. Even people that knew neither family. It was an odd occurrence, that was for sure. 

Phil was excited about the whole ordeal, although he didn't exactly know this would all play out. But, he didn't want to think about that right now. He had seen his soulmate, and that was all that mattered to him at the moment. 

Dan, on the other hand, didn't exactly know what to feel. The pain from his last soulmate and what had happened still stung, so he didn't know how to react to having yet another one. 

"It can't be possible, can it?" He asked his mother, who seemed just as stressed and worried as he was. She knew how the last "soulmate" effected her son, and she knew this one couldn't end well either. Between her own husband and Dan's last soulmate, she realized that maybe her son was right, that love never ended well. 

"I don't know, Daniel. I never saw another face. Nobody that lost their soulmate ever got another. You aren't supposed to lose them, anyhow. It's an extremely rare occurrence." 

"Then... why?" Was all Dan could manage, and his mother couldn't even answer him. 

He went up to his room, and decided to nap. Sleep was a great way to escape from his problems for a few hours. 

"I have another soulmate." He whispered to himself, still in disbelief. He couldn't wrap his mind around this whole thing. 

He decided not to think about anymore. He would worry about it later. But now, he had to sleep, or else he was going to overthink himself into yet another breakdown. 

XX 

12 years ago... 

"Hey!" Dan heard someone call out to him. He whipped his head around, and saw Miles, carrying his lunch tray. He took a seat beside Dan. 

"Oh. Hi." Dan responded flatly, looking down at his own food. It felt so weird, seeing a person's face. 

"You wanna play together when we go outside?" Miles asked. He was energetic as all hell. 

"Sure." 

Miles frowned, obviously frustrated with how un-energetic he was. "What do you wanna play? We could play tag, hopscotch, hide and seek..." 

Dan interrupted. "Whatever you want." 

"No. You decide!" 

"Well, I decide we play whatever you want." At the time, Dan's philosophy was that if he bothered the kid enough, maybe he'd go away. Maybe he's realize that he didn't want to be bothered just yet. Like his mom had told him, it was too early to worry about things like his soulmate. And so he didn't want to worry and do all of this just yet if he didn't have to. 

"Fine! We'll decide outside." The boy pouted, and Dan let out a sigh. He really didn't feel like playing ANYTHING, but this kid wasn't going to budge. 

When they got outside, Dan still felt a bit sluggish and suggested the two draw with chalk on the blacktop. 

Dan wasn't the best at art. He drew a few stars and other shapes that he knew, and after a few minutes, he looked over to see what Miles was doing. 

"Wait! Don't look!" Miles shouted, causing Dan to jump. 

"Why? What are you drawing?" 

"You! You'll see!" 

Oh god. 

Dan waited a few more minutes, drawing a bunch of other random things, until Miles told him to come look. 

Dan did, and he wasn't going to lie, the little chalk drawing that was supposed to be of him was actually really GOOD. It was impressive how such a young kid could do things like this, when Dan himself could barely manage drawing a simple star. 

That was the first time he had seen Miles' amazing skills with art, and looking back, he wished that he had appreciated them a bit more. 

XX 

Present Day... 

Dan let out a sigh, realizing what he was doing. It wasn't healthy. It was something he should avoid. But still, he let it happen. He let his mind take him to places where it shouldn't be. 

It was HIS head, so he should stop the thoughts, right? Nobody else could do it for him. Only problem was, he didn't care enough to do so. He didn't care about his own well being anymore. 

He took a deep breath, trying to resist the urge to do something that would make him feel even worse. 

But he did it anyways. 

Reaching under his bed, he grabbed the only thing under there, which was a gift box. 

In the box, was Miles' sweet 16 birthday gift to Dan. 

He opened it up, and took everything out. He knew exactly what was in there, he knew all of it by heart. He almost felt as if he couldn't go a day without looking at all of it, though. So that's what he did. 

He read the card first. 

Dan, 

You're 16 now! Yay! Only 2 years and then we'll be married! Isn't that awesome? 

Upon reading those lines, Dan realized something. He was going to be 18, really soon. And once you hit 18, you married your soulmate. You both had to be 18, but Miles was older by a few months, so by the time Dan turned 18 they would wed. 

Even though this was the case, since he had another soulmate now, what would he have to do? He had no clue when Phil's birthday was, or if he was already 18. 

Either way, soon he would be forced to marry Phil, someone he barely even knew. 

He pushed the thoughts aside, and continued to read. 

Since you're the greatest person I know, I knew I had to give you the best gift I could. I'm sorry it's not much, you know how my family is with money. But I drew you 12 drawings, one for each year we've known each other! 

Each drawing shows us in all of those years, we've sure changed a lot! I hope you like them. 

~Miles 

Dan didn't cry, he had stopped doing so a long time ago. He just felt a pull on his heart, wishing that he could have showed Miles how much he really did care. 

"I'm sorry." He said to nobody in particular, hoping that Miles could hear him. He probably couldn't. 

The first drawing was the one that hurt the most to Dan at this point. It showed the two as kindergarteners. Miles was trying to talk and play with Dan, but Dan was looking away, obviously annoyed. 

In the margin, Miles had written, "I'm sorry if I annoyed you back then!" 

Dan took another deep breath. Instead of looking at the rest of the drawings, he put them all back into the box, and back under his bed. 

XX 

"Mum, we don't have to do this." Phil begged, but his mother was insistent. 

"Yes we do, Phil. It's your future. Why delay the inevitable?" 

"Because. Dan hates me. I know he does. And it's way too early to be doing this. We don't need to talk to his family just yet." 

"I feel like I just need to speak with his parents for a bit. Phil, you're going to be 18 soon, and he might be having his birthday soon as well. You have to get to know him somewhat." 

Phil wanted to cry. This whole thing was exciting at first, but now, it was just becoming a huge burden. And he wasn't happy anymore. 

He got changed and went with his mother to the Howell residence. He was beyond nervous. 

"Phil, it'll be fine. I promise you. This'll help in the long run, I swear." 

Phil simply nodded. Even she was unsure. 

This wasn't going to go good, not at all. 

XX 

A/N: sorry for the long wait between updates! I've had horrible writer's block, but I'm still so excited to write this book haha. 

Fun fact: I have the same birthday as Phil and will be turning 18 this year, can y'all BELIEVE IT. 

Thanks for reading, love you all!


	4. 4.

Dan's mother was taking a small nap since she had a quite a headache from the stress of everything around her, when suddenly there was a knock at the door that made me her wake up immediately. 

She shot up, unsure of who it could be. Hardly anyone visited her these days, especially after what happened with her and Dan. Nobody wanted to bother with her, they just assumed they were strange people, and she was fine with that. People only did her wrong, she didn't trust anyone except her son, and even he was drifting away from her, especially after he had lost his soulmate. 

She opened the door, and was surprised when she was met with the face of none other than Mrs. Lester. Her son was standing behind her as well, but he was looking down at his feet, unable to meet her eye. 

What was she doing here?

"Hello?" She said, hoping that maybe the woman would get the idea that she didn't want her here. 

"Hey. You're Dan's mum, right?" Mrs. Lester knew the answer to her question, but asked it only so she could relieve a bit of tension between them. It wasn't working very well. 

"Yes, that would be me." She responded, and the other woman could basically hear how tired she was. 

"Good... well." Mrs. Lester paused for a moments, before finishing the sentence. "As you know, we need to talk about some things." 

"Yeah... we should." Dan's mother moved out of the way, allowing Phil and his mother to step inside. 

"Dan!" Mrs. Howell called out. "He's probably gonna take a few minutes." She clarified. After the incident where he lost his soulmate, he didn't like to speak to anyone really. In his own words he had told his mother "I don't want to trust anyone anymore." 

"Just make yourself comfortable for now. If he doesn't come down in a minute, I'll try and go get him." 

She gave a weak smile and turned to the stairway, where she hoped she would see Dan coming down. She didn't. 

XX 

Dan had of course heard his mother calling him. He heard her every time she called him. He just couldn't be bothered to move or care about what she was calling him for. 

He remembered the days when he heard her call his name, and rushed down the stairs, because he knew what was awaiting him. Miles. 

But now, what would be the point? If anybody was coming to see him, it was somebody he didn't want to see. If it was something his mother wanted him to do, he probably didn't want to do it. 

He loved his mother dearly, he really did, he just had no drive whatsoever in anything to do with life. 

He suddenly heard the footsteps approaching his room, just like every other time. 

His mom entered. 

"Dan. This is important. You need to come downstairs." 

"What is it?" He asked, his voice dripping with dread. 

"Phil's mum is here. And so is he. They need to talk to us. We need to talk to them. This all has to be sorted out, Dan." 

Dan let out a sigh. He didn't want to deal with this just yet, even though he knew his mother was right. "Okay." He said, defeated. He slowly got up and followed his mother down the stairs. 

There he saw Phil and his mother, and sure enough, he could still see Phil's face. He was hoping this was all just a bad dream or just a delusion, but apparently it wasn't. He was stuck, helplessly stuck. 

"When's your birthday?" Phil asked, breaking the silence that hung between the 4 of them. 

Dan couldn't face him, he just couldn't. He didn't want to see the boy's face. The face that caused all of this. 

"Dan." His mother whispered to him. "Don't be rude. You do realize that you have to marry this boy, don't you?" 

"My birthday is June 11th." Dan answered, still not meeting the other boy's eye. 

Phil of course noticed this lack of eye contact, but he wouldn't fret about it. He wouldn't be too happy with this either, if he were Dan. He didn't blame the boy one bit. 

"June 11th." Phil's mother's eyes widened. "Why, that's in a couple of weeks." 

Dan took a deep breath. His birthday was coming up, he was sharply aware of that. "When's yours?" He asked Phil. He was looking directly at the wall now. 

"January 30th." 

That was time. That was a lot of time. 

Dan knew that this "time" was just delaying the inevitable, but procrastinating was one of his talents. And in this situation, he would of course be using that talent to the fullest. 

"So I feel like..." Phil's mother started, but stopped mid sentence. 

"Yes?" Dan's mother asked her, and at this point the tension was so much Dan almost felt as if he couldn't breathe. 

"I feel like our sons should at least be acquainted before... you know. We can't do anything about it, there's no use in questioning it or wondering why, it's happening and we can't stop it. So we might as well just have them talk for a bit, at least." 

"Today?" Dan asked, and the dread in his voice was very apparent. 

"Dan..." His mother whispered to him. "I think that'll be great. You two can just get to know each for a bit, we have awhile until you two are going to be married so we can start with the basics." 

Dan hated how he was being rushed into this. Sure, he and Phil were soulmates and it wasn't reversible, but it didn't mean they had to jump right into this relationship. 

"I know it's hard with what happened to Dan. But he and Phil need to start somewhere, and it's better sooner than later." 

"I agree. Dan, why don't you take Phil up to your room and talk for a bit?" She said out loud, and then leaned over to whisper in his ear, "Be nice. I know you hate this, and I know how hard it is. But he's your new soulmate." 

There's no such thing as a NEW soulmate! You get one! And even if you did get more, I don't want another one! 

Those words were what immediately came to Dan's mind, but instead he muttered a simple "Okay mom." And headed up to his room, Phil following. 

The two mothers watched their boys walk away, and just as Phil's mother was turning to leave, Dan's mother asked "Do you want to stay for dinner?" 

"Sure, why not?" The other woman answered, a smile forming on her face. If only Dan's mother could see it. 

XX 

There was a lot you could hide when someone couldn't see your face. Your expression can be disgusted, but as long as you sound cheerful and happy, the other person would never know. 

Dan didn't want to face Phil, simply because he didn't want the other boy to see just how annoyed he was with all of this. 

"I'm sorry." Phil said as soon as they reached the room, and for the first time since he had been here, Dan turned to face him. 

"Don't be." Was all he said, sitting on his bed. Phil stood awkwardly by the window that looked out to his backyard. 

"No, I am. I know this sucks for you after what happened. I wish this didn't have to happen. So I am sorry. Really sorry."

"You're not the one that should be sorry." Dan replied, getting up and standing beside Phil near the window. "The universe should be sorry. It should be sorry for this whole soulmate thing in the first place. You deserve someone different as a soulmate. Someone who isn't broken and doesn't do anything with himself, like me." 

"Don't say that." Phil told him. "I feel bad that I'm the reason why you're going to be forced to married to someone that you don't even like, I'm the reason why you're going to be miserable for our entire lives." 

"It's not like that. I won't be miserable because of you. I'll be miserable because of this never ending cycle of pain. Love never ends well. It didn't for my mom, it didn't for me. And it'll happen again. I'll get close to you, and then something terrible will happen. So if I seem distant, that's why. I don't want to fall for anyone again. It's not your fault that you're my next soulmate. It's not your fault this happened. Love just never ends well for anyone." 

Phil thought for a few seconds. Dan did have a point, even though he probably only thought this because of his bad experiences with love. His whole life, love had just equaled misery for him, and Phil didn't blame him for not wanting to get attached again. "It's okay, I understand. I just can't help but feel awful about this whole situation." 

"You and me both. Look, we'll go through with it. We'll get married, no questions asked. But we'll just be friends. A marriage just means you're stuck with the person until the inevitable. It doesn't have to mean you love them, especially not in this shit world." 

"If that's what you want to do, it's fine by me. Being just friends sounds fun anyway." 

Dan didn't answer, instead he stared out of the window. He was surprised that Phil has agreed with the friend proposal. Phil had been looking forever for a soulmate, Dan thought that he would be much harder to convince. But it turns out, he was extremely chill and nonchalant. Dan could deal with that. Long as he didn't fall in love with him. He wasn't going to let that happen, though. 

"What are you looking at?" Phil asked. Dan was fixated with whatever was out there, which was nothing interesting, far as Phil could see. There were just a bunch of trees and the usual things that you could see in a backyard. 

Dan didn't answer, he was too busy staring at the tree in the middle, that happened to be cut down. His mother had cut it down herself. But for some reason, he kept staring at the small stump... 

XX 

11 years ago... 

"We need a treehouse." Miles announced, staring out of Dan's window. 

It was not his first time over Dan's by far, but he always liked exploring and trying new things. He had seen kids with treehouses on TV and in magazines, and they looked extremely cool, so he wanted one of his own. And what could be better than having a treehouse to share with your soulmate? 

"How would we even get one?" Dan asked. It had been a little over one year since the two boys had met and figured out they were soulmates, they were now 6 years old. They spend everyday (for the most part) over Dan's. 

"We make it! I've seen people do it on TV!"'

"And is it easy?" 

"I mean, why wouldn't it be? You just build a house." 

"Oh, okay, know it all. Where are we going to get the stuff to make one?" 

"Hey, don't be mean! I'm just saying, I've seen people do it before."

"Let's go ask my mom." Dan announced, standing up. "Let's ask my mom" was what he always proposed when he had no idea what to do in a situation. His mom knew everything. 

"Mrs. HOWELL!" Miles shouted, running out into the living room.

"What's up, sweethearts?" Dan's mother asked, stepping into the room. 

"Miles wants to make a treehouse." 

"Hey! Don't try and get me in trouble! A treehouse is cool, and I know you would want one!" 

Dan rolled his eyes. 

"Why would you be in trouble? We can make one if you would like!" Ever since her husband left, Dan's mother had to learn a lot of things that fathers would usually teach their sons. She was a mom that was going to every base that she could to make her son happy. 

"Yayyy!" Miles said excitedly, jumping around. He was quite the ball of energy. Dan found it odd that two completely opposite people would be matched as soulmates, then again he didn't understand soulmates at all. 

The three walked out to the backyard, where Dan's mother asked what tree they should build the house on. 

"This one!" Miles exclaimed, running up to the tree in the middle. 

"You know it's going to take a few days, right?" 

"That's fine! Can I help?" Miles asked. 

"Of course! Maybe Dan can help too; huh Dan?" 

"Oh yeah, that sounds great." Dan said sarcastically. 

"Yeah it does!" Miles said, the sarcasm flying right over his head. 

XX 

Present Day... 

"Boys! Come down here for dinner!" 

Dan almost fell backwards after being broken out of his daydream. 

"What? Even me?" Phil asked. 

"I guess so." His mom didn't say anything about having Phil over for dinner. But if Dan was being honest, he didn't hate his company too much, especially since he had to agreed that being friends was good. 

The two boys headed into the dining room, and sat at the table, next to each other. 

"How'd it go?" Dan's mother asked. She assumed it was good, given how close they were sitting. 

"Good. I think we'll be fine." Dan told her, and a look of surprise took over her features. Dan seemed genuine, he was slightly smiling. She knew Dan wasn't too keen on the idea of another love and being married, she wondered what had happened that made him feel slightly better about it all. 

"I think so too." Phil added. 

"That's good!" 

"Yeah. It's really good." Dan said, and his mother couldn't tell if it was his usual sarcastic attitude, or if he was being serious. 

Either way, there was something she didn't know about going on here between the two boys. 

XX 

A/N: it's been awhile! I'm so sorry! But it's summer time, so I can start updating more! I really enjoy writing this story, I hope you all are enjoying reading it! 

I don't have much to say, so thanks for reading and I love you all!


	5. 5.

11 years ago... 

"Mum, I'm tired. Can I sit down or go and get a drink." Dan asked, breathing heavily. He had only helped lift a few things, but it was already too much for him. 

"You're lame." Miles commented, carrying a small pile of wood and other things that were needed. 

"Hey, that's not what you say to your soulmate. Plus, this wasn't my idea anyways. I don't know why I'm supposed to help." Dan scoffed.

"Dan, be nice. I think a treehouse is great. I think you two will find plenty of fun things to do in there." His mother told him, giving him a glare. 

"Geez, I was only joking. You call ME the sensitive one." 

"Whatever, Miles." Dan turned away, and went into his house to go and get a drink. 

He reached into the fridge, grabbing the bottle of apple juice inside. His favorite. Miles' favorite was grape, and Dan didn't know how. 

He took down a glass, standing on his tippy toes to reach it. This didn't work out well, because before Dan could get a grip on the glass, it fell onto the ground and shattered. 

Dan jumped. "Shoot!" He shouted, trying to gather all of the pieces in one place. As he was doing so, he poked himself with a piece of the glass. 

After poking himself, he decided to run out to his mother. Maybe she would be angry, but it didn't matter. 

"Mom!" He called out, running towards where she and Miles were standing, he could tell they were talking before he came out of the house. 

"What, Dan?" His mother asked, turning around quickly. 

"I um... I broke a glass when I was trying to get a drink." He told her, his head bowed. He always liked to tell her when he did something wrong, because she always found out anyways. It was just better if he told the truth. 

"Oh, Dan. Of course. It's fine. I'll go pick it up. You two stay out here for now." She told the two boys, turning and walking into the house. 

"So... how big should the treehouse be?" Miles asked Dan, picking up some pieces of material. 

"Do you even know what you're doing?" Dan asked, giving the other boy a sly smirk. 

"Not really. But I guess I'll know soon." Miles shrugged, looking down at the ground. 

"Yeah, I guess you will." 

XX 

Present Day... 

Dan looked down at the drawing in his hands. It was so realistic, Dan felt as if he were back there just looking at it. 

He wished he was back there. His heart aches thinking about the prospect. One more second in that scenario would be all he wanted. 

In the drawing, Dan and Miles were standing in front of the treehouse. Miles had that signature goofy grin on his face, while Dan had the signature scowl. 

Dan got up, and went to his window. The same one that gave him a view of the stump. 

"Miles, I miss you. Can you still hear me? Can you give me a sign if you are?" Dan wasn't one for signs for the most part, but all of that changed when it came to Miles. He was still holding onto the idea that Miles was out there someplace. That was what everybody told him. Who knew what happened after death, anyways? Who was he to say? Who was anyone else to say? 

Then, he watched as a squirrel climbed up onto the stump and sat, chewing on something. Dan's eyes widened. 

Was this his sign? 

"Miles." He said, not able to take his eyes off of the squirrel. "I miss you. I miss you. I wish I could just see you again. Or... go back in time and tell you that you didn't always have the best ideas. I'm sorry." 

And with that, the squirrel ran away, and Dan went back to his bed. 

XX 

11 years ago... 

"Woah, it's so cool." Miles said, looking up and smiling. 

Dan's mother had put the finishing touches on the treehouse, and had just called the boys out to go and look at it. 

"Yeah, it's nice." Dan said, surprised that he was feeling excited about going up in the thing. 

"Can we go in now?" Miles asked, jumping excitedly. 

"Yeah, you can. Just be careful going up the ladder, and don't roughhouse too much up there." Dan's mother instructed them, out of breath. She wouldn't have done this if she didn't like these damn kids so much. 

Miles was up the ladder immediately, and inside. Dan was a bit skeptical because of the height, but decided it was now or never and quickly went up the ladder. 

"This is so awesome! We can have super secret meetings up here." Miles said, walking over to the small window that Dan's mom decided to carve in so that they would get sunlight. 

"Secret meetings? About what?" 

"I don't know, Secret stuff. We can do whatever we want here. This can be our new hangout! C'mon, you can't admit that it's not cool, Dan." 

"I guess it is, yeah." He said, looking out of the window. It was pretty cool to have a place where he could hang out with Miles other than his room. 

"We should bring some stuff up here. You know, so we have stuff to do." 

"Like what?" 

"Well... you can bring your Winnie the Pooh toys and I can bring some paper and crayons, I guess." 

"That sounds good, you wanna go get them?" Dan didn't want to admit it, but he was scared to go down that ladder. Going up it made his heart race enough, he didn't want think about going down just yet. 

"Yeah, sure." Miles said, getting up and smiling. He was always smiling, wasn't he? 

"You know where my toys are." Dan said as Miles began to climb down the ladder. He watched the boy as he did so, a sort of amazement flooding his mind. 

When he thought about it, he and Miles were complete opposites. 

Maybe that was why they were soulmates. 

XX

Present Day... 

Phil couldn't help but think of Dan as soon as he got home after dinner with him and his mother. 

He thought of him the entire night, actually. 

He didn't think of Dan himself, though. Mostly, Phil was thinking about the future between he and Dan. 

The two were going to be married really soon, and they had agreed to just act as if they were in love, when in reality, they were just going to be two friends living together. 

Phil's parents were very much in love, and he had a very stable and loving home life, unlike Dan's. 

All of his life he had been excited to find a soulmate, and had dreamed of his wedding. He dreamed of living in a nice house, with kids, pets, and kisses before work. 

He dreamed of sharing the bed with someone, and waking up to their face every morning, and smiling because he was so happy. 

That was how his parents were, and how he thought all people's love was. Phil was innocent as could be, even as a teen. He was never exposed to the dark parts of life, She he never thought that they could exist. 

It wasn't all his fault, though. His parents had sheltered him so much, and tried to shield him from the horrors that sometimes happened in life. And it worked, until he had heard the stories of the Howell family. 

He was shocked to hear of a father leaving his family, and being sent away. He was shocked to hear of someone's soulmate passing away before marriage. 

That was when he realized that not everyone's life was like his. Not everyone got to be completely happy. Not everyone got to live the happy and privileged life that he got to, getting whatever he wanted and being surrounded with love constantly. 

Dan's mother was nice, and she did whatever she could for her son, but there was always going to be a void in Dan's heart no matter how much was done for him. Phil knew that much, especially from hanging out with him for a day. 

Phil felt bad for Dan, everyone did. But Dan didn't like pity, he told everyone that. To the classmates that gave him gifts after the school threw a ceremony in honor of Miles. To the people who brought him baked goods and little letters telling him just how sorry they were. He hated pity, and he told them not to talk about it, because he didn't want to hear it. 

Phil would go along with just being friends with Dan, if that was what he wanted. Dan already had it difficult enough, he never got what he wanted in life. All he ever got was the shit end of the stick.  

Phil's life was already good enough, and now that he knew that not everyone gets a happy ending, he couldn't complain about not getting his fairytale wedding. 

Phil got everything else he wanted. Dan didn't. So, Phil was going to make sure that Dan got this one thing. 

XX 

11 years ago... 

"Why do you always come here?" Dan asked Miles, clutching his Christopher Robin action figure in his hand. 

Miles looked up from the paper that he was drawing on, dropping his crayon down gently. "What do you mean?" 

"Like, I know we're soulmates and all of that. But you don't have to spend every minute at my house. So why do you? I'm not trying to be mean or anything." 

"Well... I don't really like it at home." 

Dan cocked a brow. "Why not?" 

"My parents don't let me draw whenever I want. Even when I do my chores. I'm only allowed to draw for a little bit every day. I'm only allowed to watch tv for a little bit, too. My mum and dad tell me that they've wasted too much money on crayons and pencils for me, and that the TV will rot my brain." 

"Woah... that sucks. I always wondered how it would be if I had my dad around still. But it seems like it sucks to have two parents." 

Miles shrugged. "They're just really strict about what I can do. They don't want me to be one of those addicts that sits in front of the tv all the time one day, whatever that means." 

"I don't know. But they should let you draw whenever you want." 

"I wish they would. They tell me that I'll be big one day and enter me in competitions, but they don't always let me draw when I want to. They're only nice about it whenever I have a competition." 

"That's stupid." 

"Your Mom is really nice. Sometimes I wish my mom was like her. I do love my mom and dad, but they're not always the nicest to me. They don't care about what I have to say, which really sucks. They sometimes forget I'm there. And if I don't listen to them, they make me do things I don't want to. Like eat soap. Or kneel on glass. It hurts a lot. So I listen to them." Miles frowned, and Dan could tell that this was hurting to talk about. He wished he didn't bring it up. 

"You know what my mom says though, right?" 

"What do you mean?" 

"That you're always welcome here. We do care about you. And plus, you can draw here whenever you want." Dan found it hard to say things like this. He did care about Miles, he really did, but he just never knew how to say it. Expressing emotions wasn't really his thing, not to mention he was so young and had seen so much, whereas Miles was a pretty pure soul. Sure, his home life was a bit shit, but at least he was still happy and energetic. Dan couldn't say the same. 

Miles gave Dan his sweet and signature smile. This time, Dan smiled back. 

XX 

A/N: well, we're flashing back more and more and learning more about Miles and Dan, as well as some about Phil too. But there's a lot of unanswered questions... hmm. 

I hope you all are as excited as I am about what's to come. This is a super fun story to write and I'm so happy that you all are so sweet and like it so much. :) 

Love you all, thanks for reading! See you in the next one!


	6. 6.

10 years ago... 

For as long as Dan remembered, his birthdays were extravagant. His mother always made sure that he woke up to a big breakfast, as well as a mountain of gifts. 

Dan usually enjoyed it, of course he did, what kid didn't like toys? But he couldn't help but think that there was something missing. 

His birthdays weren't like the ones on TV or in ads, where the entire family gathered around a birthday cake and watched you open gifts. His birthdays consisted of just he and his mother. He loved his mother dearly and all she did for him was great, but he couldn't help but wonder how different things would be if his father was still here. Would he have siblings? Would his dad have liked to watch him open gifts? Probably not, considering that he had just left Dan and his mother in the dust. 

Dan's birthdays became a little less empty once he met Miles. 

Dan had always been outcasted because of what happened with his father, so throughout his life he never had many friends. That meant nobody came to the birthdays, minus his mother. Even other family didn't show up, because his mother's family had alienated her because they didn't want to be associated with what had happened. And his dad's family was just a plain mystery. 

Shortly after the treehouse was built, came Dan's 7th birthday. He and Miles has of course been hanging out in the house everyday leading up to it, and the birthday was no exception. 

For a present, Miles had brought Dan a drawing. He had done so for the past few years of course, and the drawings progressively got better. This year, it was a simple drawing of the treehouse, but it was still extremely detailed and nice. 

"Thanks, Miles." Dan told the boy, pulling him in for a hug. 

"We should hang it in the treehouse!" Miles exclaimed, smiling like he always was. 

"Yeah, we can!" Dan felt butterflies in his stomach, and he was suddenly extremely giddy and happy. "Let's go!" 

"Boys, would you like to eat your cake and ice cream in the treehouse?" Dan's mother asked them, smiling. Dan still didn't open his gifts from her yet, but that didn't matter. If he didn't want to just yet, she wouldn't force him. They had already sung happy birthday and had Dan blow out the candles. She wanted his birthday to be perfect for him. 

"Yes! Yes! Yes!" Miles said, jumping up and down. 

"Yeah!" Dan answered as well. He was rarely this happy, she needed to not let this fade away. 

"Do you two promise not make a mess?" She asked the boys, walking over to cut the cake and retrieve the ice cream from the freezer. 

"We promise Mrs. Howell!" 

"Yes, mum. We won't make a mess." 

"Okay, you two." She got their plates ready and handed it to them. "Don't run!" She called out to them, but she felt she was already too late. 

Dan ended up calling his mom outside a few moments later, because they couldn't figure out a way to get up with their plates of cake. She had to hold them while the boys climbed up, and then she reached up and handed them their plates, one by one. 

The two boys finished the cake and ice cream, and immediately Miles was running around and trying to figure out where to put the picture. 

"Just put it wherever." Dan said, grabbing the roll of tape that they kept up in the house just in case they needed it. His mother said they could, as long as they didn't waste it. 

"Fine! I just don't want it to look crooked." Miles said, holding it right above the little window. "How about here?" 

"That seems fine." Dan told him, and they hung it up. 

When they were done, Miles turned to Dan. "What did you wish for, when you blew out your candles?" He asked Dan, genuinely curious. Of course he was. Miles was always curious. 

"If I tell you, it won't come true." Dan said, but in reality, he didn't believe that. Wishes never came true, no matter what. He just didn't want to say what he wished for out loud. It seemed unattainable, and Miles wouldn't understand it. 

He wished that his father would come back and that he would fall back in love with his mother and want to have him as a son again. 

XX 

Dan had always feared turning 18. At first, it was because he was scared of getting married to Miles. He of course wasn't scared of Miles himself, but the idea of marriage itself terrified him. 

After what had happened to his parents, he was always scared of being married. Even if he could trust Miles and knew him very well, it was the same with his parents. Miles could turn on him any moment after they were married. And he just wanted things to stay as they were. 

But now, he feared being 18 because that meant being married to Phil very soon. Even with the agreement they made, he still wasn't ecstatic at the thought of marriage. He barely knew Phil, but that part didn't matter. He didn't have enough energy to get to know someone else, he just didn't. Love didn't end well, it never did. He was going to stick by that phrase forever. As long as he and Phil just made it SEEM like they were happy, there would be no problem at all. 

Phil was coming to his birthday party, of course he was. Last year he had just stayed in his room all day, and he wanted to do the same this year, but of course the whole incident with Phil had happened, and now his mom was forcing a celebration on him, and invited the Lesters to join in. 

She woke him up with a huge breakfast, just like the old days. The only different between this year and every other birthday party that he had, was that when he went downstairs there was no present mountain. He was sort of relieved. He didn't want gifts anymore. All his mother had laid out for him was a small box. 

"The Lesters will be here any minute now." His mother told him, and she didn't sound the least bit excited. He didn't blame her, because he wasn't either. 

They soon arrived, his mom, his dad, and of course Phil. They were all carrying gifts. 

Dan immediately felt a pang of jealousy. Phil had a whole family, just like Dan had always wished. And they seemed so happy, they came in so chipper and excited. 

Dan was glad Phil's parents couldn't see his face, because he kept looking at them and staring. He was so jealous, he couldn't believe it. 

Dan's mother led everyone into the kitchen, and they began to eat. She made a nice dinner for her son, and they were going to open gifts and then have cake. 

Dan poked at his dinner, eventually shoving some down so that his mother didn't feel bad at all. He wouldn't want that. 

The party seemed to drag. He opened gifts next, he got a bracelet with his name on it from Phil(Phil had the one with his name on it, he had them custom made), a card with money from both of Phil's parents. 

Then, came his mother's gift, in the small box. 

He opened it and revealed a ring. 

"My wedding ring." His mother explained as he examined it. "I wanted you to have it. I've been saving it for your 18th. I figured it'd be fitting." 

If Dan could see her face right now, he was sure that she would look concerned. She had probably planned it with Miles, and thought it wasn't appropriate for the situation now, but either way, Dan had to get married, and she was planning on giving it to him for that especially. 

"Thanks, mom." He told her, smiling, even though she couldn't see it. He was glad she couldn't because then she'd probably know it was faked. 

They had cake next, Dan poking around at his and taking a few bites. The Lesters and his mother were of course chatting through the whole party, but he couldn't have been bothered to listen. He knew it would make him even more upset. 

A little bit later, the Lesters were getting ready to leave. 

"Wait!" Dan called as soon as they were gathering their things. 

They all turned to him, but the only face he could see was Phil's of course, his blue eyes immediately meeting Dan's. 

"Phil, I want to tell you something before you go." Dan said, motioning for the boy to follow him to his room. 

"Be right back." Phil told his parents, and they didn't seem angry, which was good. Dan just had something he was itching to know. 

"What's wrong?" Phil asked, cocking a brow. 

"Nothing. I just have a question to ask you." Dan said, looking towards the wall. This was embarrassing, really it was, but he couldn't help himself. 

"What is it?" 

"What's it like to have two parents?" 

Phil gave him a funny look. "What? Why?" 

"Listen, Phil. I just want to know. Can you just tell me? Are they in love? Is it easier?" 

"Is what easier. And yes, they're in love. I was just wondering why you would be asking this." 

"I just want to know, okay? I ask everyone I know who has two parents. Just tell me how it is." 

"It's good, I guessed. Their love always made me excited for my wedding one day. They've always been in love and always have been so happy." 

This was making Dan said, but he was the one that had been asking for it. "Do you guys do things as a family?" 

"All the time. We go out to dinner, movies, everything. We always have." 

"Really?" 

"Yeah." Phil said, and seeing Dan's now upset demeanor, he decided to add, "Look, if this is making you upset I can just go. I'm sorry." 

"No, I'm sorry. For both of us. That we're in this mess. I hate it." 

"I know, Dan. But hey, we're just going to be friends, so it'll be fine." 

"I guess so. Well, thanks for coming to my party I guess." 

"It's no problem. Happy birthday. Hope you like your bracelet. My mom came up with the idea, and I thought it was cool. Even if we are staying friends, we're still soulmates, so I guess it's fitting. 

Dan didn't say anything more, because he planned to hide the bracelet in one of his drawers and never wear it. It was too much for him, he wouldn't see himself ever doing that for a friend, it was definitely a soulmate gift. 

He walked back down with Phil and watched as he and his parents left, and even peeked out of the window as they as they got into their car. 

He felt an immediate pang of sadness. He never had that, and he never would. 

The world was just too cruel to some people, and Dan wondered what he and his mother had ever done to deserve this. 

XX 

A/N: I'm so sorry for the long wait again, I'm the worst I know. 

But I just wanna thank y'all for the reception this story is receiving. All the sweet comments have made my day, I'm so glad you all are enjoying this little world I'm creating, hopefully you'll stay and see where it goes!! 

This story is over a year old!! Although I kinda don't count it because I kept rewriting and putting this story on hold. But yeah, I originally posted this in August of 2017. Time really does fly. 

I'm hoping to get a bit more consistent with updates, since I've had so much more time to write now. I'm finishing up a few of my other projects and hopefully it'll help this be updated more frequently! 

Love you all, thanks for reading!


	7. 7.

7 years ago...

Dan's next few birthdays followed the same pattern that his 7th did. Hanging out in the treehouse, eating cake, wishing on the candles that his father would come back. 

That was, until his 10th birthday. To his mother, going into the double digits was an extremely big deal. 

He didn't see why it was such a big thing. He was just having another birthday, this happened every single year. 

He and Miles were up in the treehouse, waiting for Dan's mother to call them down. She said she was taking Dan somewhere for his birthday. Dan didn't know where they could be going, he didn't like leaving his house. Outside, the world looked down on him as if he were less than them. Some of them pitied him, some of them despised his very existence. Either way, he didn't want to hear their cruel words or see their inevitable stares. 

Miles already have him his gift, his signature drawing of each year. Dan could see the progression in the art every year, this year Miles had drawn Dan's house, plain and simple, but it looked pretty realistic and not bad for the hands of a 10 year old. 

His mother called them down, and Miles went immediately running down. He was excited for some reason, probably because he didn't have to worry about the same things that Dan did. He could walk around freely, without having people whispering about him. 

Miles did bear a few harsh words here and there because of Dan being his soulmate, but he always brushed them off and tried to keep a smile on his face. Dan wished that he was like that, wished that he had the same willpower and strength. But after hearing these things so many times, they started to get to him. 

He knew they got to his mother, too. She just didn't want to say it to him, but he could see the pain in her eyes. She wondered if she saw the same in him. 

"Where are we going?" Miles asked his mother, and she smiled down at him. At least someone was happy here. 

"It's an arcade type place, they're going to have ice cream and pizza too!" She told them. Dan wanted to be excited, but being in public was never fun. 

They drove in mostly silence, Miles and his mother alike trying to start conversation, but Dan just brushed it all off as if they weren't saying anything at all. If he spoke, they might just hear how shaky his voice was, and how upset he was getting. He knew he was going to hear something today from someone, and it made him scared. Dan was probably the only kid in the world scared of going places, but every other kid wouldn't ever understand Dan Howell. 

He was right about hearing some rude comments, of course he was. But the comments he heard that day were like no other he had ever heard before. 

The jitters Dan had began to wear off as he and Miles ran from game to game, playing each one and trying to rack up enough tickets to get a good prize at the shop. Dan had completely forgotten that he was in a public place, where people saw him and knew who he was. 

After a run of games, they were sitting down and eating pizza. Dan was smiling and happy, and trying not to look at other people. Miles was the only one that could see this smile, but he was positive his mother could hear the happiness he was feeling in his voice. She told him several times that even if she couldn't see his face, she knew what what he was feeling. Motherly instinct or something. But the others, they didn't know that. So he ignored them all the best he could. Maybe they wouldn't notice him if he didn't notice them. But that wasn't the case. 

Someone approached the table, and whispered something to Miles. Miles jumped up. 

"What? Who are you?" 

Dan's mother was up at once. 

"Excuse me? Is there something I can help you with?" She asked the stranger. 

"I was just telling that boy something important." 

"Um, and what would that be? We don't know you, I'm sorry. Maybe you have the wrong person." 

"I was telling that boy to be careful. That he should be cautious, in case Dan Howell decides to leave him just like his father left." 

This set Dan's mother off, she shoved the man back. "What the hell is wrong with you? Why would you say that? They're kids. And what happened with Dan's father is none of your business. I don't know you. You're a grown man and you're trying to start things with a child. You should be ashamed of yourself." 

The stranger and Dan's mother went at it for a few more moments, but Dan couldn't bring himself to listen. He felt as if he was going to cry. 

Since Miles could see this, he reached over and gave Dan a loving pat on the arm. "I know you won't leave me." He said. "I know he was just saying that. I know it's not true." 

Dan looked over at him. "Do you promise you'll never leave ME?" 

Miles' eyes widened. "I promise, Dan. I never will. I'll be here forever, just like soulmates are supposed to be." 

Dan's life was built on lies and broken promises, apparently. 

The manager came over and broke up the argument that had just arisen, and Dan and Miles immediately went back to playing games. 

Miles seemingly brushed the entire encounter off, acting as if it were nothing. Dan couldn't bring himself to do the same. 

He continued to play games with Miles, but the smile that was on his face before was no longer there. 

This birthday became a day that he would recall for the rest of his life, the words that the stranger had said really impacted him in a way that they shouldn't have. So did the promise Miles made. All of those things were words he would never forget. 

And he never did. 

He also never had another birthday out. 

XX 

Present Day 

January came just as quickly as Dan imagined it would. 

He and Phil hung out now and again, mostly so that their parents would get off their backs. Phil wanted to get closer to Dan, but he kept pushing Phil further and further away. Phil just let it happen. He could never imagine going through what Dan did, so he would let him do what he wanted. 

New Year's wasn't anything special either. Phil was used to having big parties with huge amounts of food, and kissing galore. 

But with Dan, it wasn't that at all. It was the two of them awkwardly waiting until midnight, and just before it, rushing away so that nobody could see that they didn't kiss. 

Phil wondered what kissing Dan would be like. But he knew that he would have to wait until their wedding day. They would have to kiss then. Phil imagined that it would be the only time that they kissed, but he tried to ignore that thought. He made an agreement with Dan, one that he was going to keep. 

As soon as January hit, Dan's mother took him out to look for what he would wear to his wedding. 

Dan wasn't excited about this in the least, he was ready to just pick the first tuxedo that fit him and call it a day. 

His mother wanted it all to be perfect. Dan couldn't believe that she couldn't see how unhappy he was with all of this, but then again, he was the one that was deciding to hide it. 

He tried on everything his mother brought in, and she both smiled and cringed. She was glad that her son couldn't see. 

She smiled because, well, this was her little boy and this was his big day, even if the circumstances were a bit absurd. She cringed when he put on the same color as her husband had once worn. She wasn't going to mention that to him though, in case he liked that one. 

"Which one do you like?" She asked him. 

"Any of them are fine. You choose. Which one do you think I look best in?" He asked her. 

"I love them all. Maybe just stick with the regular black if you're not sure." 

"That's fine. Mum, do you know how to a tie a tie?" 

She felt her heart sink. His voice in that moment was so childish and small. His father should have been there for this, he should've taught him all of these things. "Yes, I do. I can show you how." 

Of course, walking in they had received weird looks, just because they were the Howells. Dan's mother ignored it, this was her son's moment and she wasn't going to let anyone, especially people she didn't know, ruin any of it. 

Dan wanted to go home more than anything, though. The stares of everyone around burned into him, and he felt them. It wasn't something he could just ignore. He was the talk of everyone, everywhere. He was marrying Phil Lester, after his original soulmate had died. It was a fucked up fairytale, that was for sure. But Dan didn't know why they cared so much. He wasn't excited about all of this, either. 

Phil Lester was a nice person, maybe too nice for his own good. That made Dan a bit guilty. Phil deserved someone else. Someone who wasn't shut down and broken like he was. 

Dan didn't know exactly how the world worked, but whoever controlled things was a bastard. An evil bastard. 

"So, you wanna go with regular black, then?" His mother was asking him, and he nodded. They needed to get out, now. 

He didn't even know why it was so imperative that they do this now, anyways. Phil's birthday wasn't until the end of the month. It was only the start. They had plenty of time before the wedding. 

"Are you okay?" Dan felt his mother place her hand on his shoulder. 

"I'm fine. Let's just check out." 

"Okay, but we need to find shoes, too. Some nice dress ones." 

Dan sighed. Guess he wasn't getting out of here just yet. 

XX 

Dan couldn't stop staring at his tux when he got home. He kept envisioning how this would be if he were still with Miles. Would he be happier? He wasn't always excited about marriage, but when it came down to it, he loved Miles. And that's what hurt the most, when he was taken from Dan. It was always a fear of his, falling in love and losing the person, like his mother did. 

But, sure enough, he had fallen right into the nightmare. He was fully prepared to isolate himself for life, but then Phil Lester and his infectious smile made his way into his life. Why? This had never happened in the history of... ever. 

He picked the tux up, and threw it to the ground. He wanted to rip it to shreds, to burn it until he couldn't see it anymore, but he knew that would be ridiculous and childish. He wasn't going to do all of that, he couldn't. He was getting married, whether he like it or not. 

Dan's mother knew that he was unhappy about all of this, of course she did, and she wondered why this had to happen to someone like her son. Someone that had it hard enough growing up, and he still had to lose someone like that. 

Phil was such a sweet boy, whenever she saw him enter the house she always gave him a hug. He didn't deserve to be dragged into all of this, either. 

One time, she pulled him aside. 

"Is he doing alright?" She had asked him. Her son obviously hid things from him, didn't all kids do that? But she didn't want to be ignoring her son if things were going really wrong. 

"He's fine. He's okay." Phil had answered. He hoped she couldn't detect the lie from his tone. Dan had been staring out of the window, daydreaming, and distancing himself, like always. They never really got far when they hung out together. 

"Is he happy? Does he seem upset? He won't talk to me, and I just hate how sad he seems sometimes." 

"He doesn't really talk to me, either. About that stuff, I mean. He doesn't like to. I guess I don't blame him." That was when Phil and Dan's mother alike realized that he really knew nothing about Dan at all. 

"You're right. Well, thanks for swinging by and visiting. I'm sure that somewhere deep down he appreciates it." 

Phil wished that she could see his smile. Dan's mother was really such a strong person that he admired. She had the whole world looking down upon her, and still found things to be somewhat happy about. Dan was a good person too, just like her in ways that Phil couldn't describe. Dan was still here through all of this and was still fighting, and Phil admired that more than he let on. He just wished that Dan would open up more, Phil wanted to be there for him. 

Maybe someday. But he wouldn't push it.


	8. 8.

"Phil, you should see how your father's old suit fits, and wear that! He kept it all these years, and he'd love to give it to you! Plus, you're getting married in the evening, it would look so good!" Phil heard his mother squeal. He wanted to be excited as well, he tried to force himself to be, but it just wasn't working. 

He was excited, sure. His wedding was a day that he had always envisioned in his mind. Even if he didn’t envision it going THIS way, it was still a big and exciting thing, he supposed. But he couldn’t bring himself to be happy about it, without guilt overcoming him. Guilt for Dan. 

“Why do you look so miserable? You’ve never had a problem trying things on before. And this is your WEDDING! Don’t you know how excited you were about this when you were younger? You never stopped talking about it, you never stopped planning it out yourself. Come on, just put it on and see how you look. If it doesn’t look good, we can get something else. But I think it’ll fit you swell!” 

He imagined himself in Dan’s shoes, and felt awful. Thanks to Phil, he was being sentenced to a life of misery. Agreeing to be friends meant nothing essentially, except stay the hell away. Dan wanted an actual wedding with his real soulmate, and Phil didn’t blame him. A wedding should be special. 

The wedding, like all weddings, was set the day after his birthday, marking the time that both he and his partner were of age. He wasn’t going to have an extravagant birthday or anything of the sort this year, all because of the wedding. His parents were putting all of their time, effort, and money into that. 

The more money you had, the more beautiful your wedding could be. The more food you could have, the more decorations. Fireworks, even. Phil’s parents promised that they would pitch in the best share that they could, and make it a beautiful day. 

“Oh, Phil! You look amazing! I think you should definitely wear that! Oh my, I might cry. You’re so grown up, my dear Phil. Look at you! Hunny, come look at how good our son looks! I wish I could see your face.” 

His parents seemed to be absolutely oblivious to the fact that he was marrying Dan Howell, and that this wasn’t a sweet day of love like weddings were supposed to be. He liked Dan as a person, of course he did, he knew that the boy was damaged beyond belief from losing his soulmate, who wouldn’t be? But for that reason, the wedding wouldn’t be all that his parents were hyping it up to be. 

Of course, was any wedding really amazing? Soulmates were chosen, not by the people involved, but by some higher power that nobody had ever spoken to. You had to learn to tolerate the person, or get sent away. The world wasn’t all sunshine and butterflies. As much as Phil wished that it was, there was no way in hell that he could convince himself that it was. He knew he always tried to look at the good, but the more time he spent on this earth, the more the bad became apparent to him. 

Especially hanging around Dan Howell. 

He pushed these dark thoughts away, bad thoughts were always a nuisance. There was no use wallowing in his sorrows, what was done was done. 

This was life, there was no way out of it. 

XX 

Phil woke up to the wonderful smell of bacon and eggs. 

He hopped out of bed, pulled some clothes on, and walked down to the kitchen. 

“I see you already woke up. We wanted it to be a surprise, but we made you breakfast for your birthday! Happy birthday Philly!” 

He smiled and raced over to the table, pulling out a chair for himself. Sure, bad times were coming, and tomorrow he would have to be married, but for now, he would just enjoy his birthday. 

His mother sat a plate and utensils down in front of him, and immediately he began to dig in. 

“I can’t believe that tomorrow is your wedding.” His mother commented while looking at him. He couldn’t see her face, but from the sound of her voice, she was tearing up and on the verge of crying. No matter the circumstances, it was still a special day to her. Phil sort of wished that she wouldn’t regard it as such, because she was going to be disappointed with the life that he carried after the fact, but there was no way to stop it, he supposed. He was her little boy, after all. 

“I know. It’s insane. Just yesterday, I remember you running around and showing us drawings of what you thought that your wedding should be like.” His father commented, sitting down at the table and beginning to eat his own plate of food as well. 

“Yeah, time really flies.” Phil said, in a tone so monotone and boring that he didn’t know his parents didn’t recognize that this wasn’t the greatest of situations. 

“It does! And you’re going to be wearing your father’s tux, looking like such a man, and it’s going to be the evening and it’s going to look so beautiful…” 

His mother’s rambling was interrupted by the doorbell ringing. 

She jumped up to answer it, gasping as she did. “Phil, guess who it is!!!” 

Phil and his father got up, and went to the door, realizing that it was the Howells. 

“Dan.” Phil said, furrowing a brow in confusion. What was he doing here? 

“Phil. Happy birthday. I figured that I’d bring you something.” 

“Oh, come in!” Phil’s mother exclaimed. “We’re having breakfast, help yourselves!” 

“I’m okay, thank you. Phil, you want to go to your room and see what your gift is?” Dan asked the blue eyed boy, to which he nodded. 

“Yeah, sure. I’m taking my food upstairs.” He knew that Dan getting him alone meant that he wanted to speak about something. His parents had no idea and neither did Dan’s mother, just assumed that they were finally getting along and okay with this whole thing. 

Yeah, everybody could wish. 

When in Phil’s room, Dan handed him the small gift bag, and he opened it up. Inside was a small box. He opened it up, and inside was a necklace. 

“It has your birthstone on it. It’s okay if you don’t like it. I just figured you deserved something… after what’s happening tomorrow.” Dan looked away from him. 

“I love it. Thank you, Dan. Hey, what happened to the bracelet I got you?” He asked, instantly regretting it the second the words left his mouth. He felt so annoying. 

“I’m glad you like it. And I forgot to wear it today, that’s all.” He didn’t want to tell Phil that he couldn’t bear to wear it. He just couldn’t. He also didn’t want to tell Phil that his mother had picked out the necklace. He had her do it, because when he thought about it, he barely knew Phil at all. And he liked him as a person, he didn’t deserve to be dragged into the misery that was his sorry life. 

“It’s okay. So… our wedding is tomorrow. I can’t believe it. Time goes so fast…” 

“I know. I’m sorry. I’m sorry that you have to marry someone like me. You deserve somebody who would actually give you a good life of love.” 

Phil couldn’t believe this. He knew that Dan felt bad, but he didn’t know it was to this extent. “Don’t say that. It’s fine. Weddings don’t really mean much, anyways.” 

“That’s bullshit and you know it. I made you swear to stay friends with me, for God’s sake. That’s not normal, Phil.” 

“It’s just how things are. We can’t change it.” Phil shrugged. Dan had to admit, he had never seen Phil like this. So… negative. 

“I guess you’re right. Do you already know what you’re gonna wear?” He said, desperate to change the subject. He didn’t want to see Phil in a glum mood like he was right now, it just wasn’t like him. It made him feel even more bad. The boy was absolutely miserable. 

“Yeah, my dad kept his old suit from his wedding with my mom. And it actually fits me really well, so I’m going to wear that.” 

Dan felt a pull at his heart. He didn’t even have a father to lend him his tux or suit. Well, he did, but he just didn’t know the man, so it would be the same as a stranger giving him something to wear. “That’s good. My mom dragged me out to get something and had me try on a million things, even when I found something that fit.” He rolled his eyes, causing Phil to giggle. 

“That makes me glad I had something already. I hate how picky my parents get with clothes sometimes. Also, my parents said that they’re going to get us the fireworks tomorrow.” 

“The fireworks?” 

“Yeah, you know, the more you pay, the more you get. Basically, they’re just going to have our names and the date. Seems cool.” 

“It does. I always liked fireworks when I was younger. Most people hate how loud they are. I never did. I always loved it. And you know, they just do the whole ‘pay more to get more’ thing to get more money in the system, they don’t care if we like the fireworks or not.” 

“Really?” 

“Yeah, really. Who knows what they do with that money. They sure don’t use it for anything beneficial to us.” 

“Who knows. Maybe they use it to fund the hiding spot for the aliens.” 

“You believe in aliens?” 

“Yes, I do. They’re out there. I know they are.” 

Dan couldn’t help but laugh at that. “I do too. I know they have them locked up somewhere, and I want to save them one day.” 

“I wish we could pick our wedding theme. We would totally have an alien wedding.” Phil said, smiling. “Instead, we just get what they give us.” 

“They wouldn’t let us have that anyway.” He leaned towards Phil, lowering his voice to a whisper. “It would give away their secret.” 

They both busted out in laughter, both of them doubling over after a few seconds. 

For the first time in awhile, they both felt completely at ease with each other. There was no tension, no walking on eggshells, no worry. Just laughter and happiness. 

XX

A fear of Dan’s had always been not being able to fit in his clothes come wedding day. He knew most people feared that, and he understood exactly why. It was scary. 

“What’s wrong?” His mother asked him as she helped him get ready, frowning, even if he couldn’t see it. 

“My tux. It fits just fine, right?” He asked. 

“Yes honey, it’s fine. Why? This is the one you said you were fine with wearing when we were at the store.” 

“I know. I like it. I just didn’t know if it would fit today, maybe I grew out of it.” 

“In a few days? Dan, don’t be ridiculous. You look fine, your tux fits you perfectly. Now come on, I’ll help you with your hair.” 

“Mom, I’m old enough to-“ 

“No. Come on. I’m going to help you with it.” 

“You know what? Fine.” He said, finally giving in. It was pointless trying to argue with his mother. 

XX 

Phil sighed as he looked in the mirror. For some reason, even though his father AND mother had explained it to him several times, he couldn’t tie his tie correctly. 

“Ugh!” He exclaimed, to which his mother came running in. 

“What’s wrong?” She asked, genuine concern in her voice. Phil was just being quite dramatic, possibly because of stress, possibly because he hated doing things wrong. 

“My tie! I can’t do it!” He cried out. 

“Don’t be upset. I can help you. Come here.” She tied it in record time. “Come on. No need to cry over spilled milk. We need to hurry. We don’t have much time. Was that what you were doing in here this whole time, trying to tie this damn thing?” 

Phil nodded, she let out an exasperated sigh. “Come on. There’s a lot more we need to do. You can’t be late for your own wedding!” 

Phil wasn’t the only one stressed around here. 

XX 

The venue was beautiful, to say the least. 

There were flowers, so many flowers. Every bench was engraved with Dan and Phil’s names. The color scheme was dark colors, dark blue and black, because of the evening setting. 

Dan and Phil were already at the alter, staring into each other’s eyes, just as they were supposed to. This all felt so strange, so surreal, so WEIRD. 

The only people allowed to attend were the parents, and the whole thing was being recorded as evidence that happened. It was very beautiful to the parents of course, but that factor just made it seem extremely superficial. 

The person that was marrying them began to speak, a tall man dressed in a dark suit. 

“Today, we are here to mark the uniting of yet another couple. Dan and Phil. These two… who knows how they had ended up together, but here they are. Congratulations on finding a soulmate in each other.” 

The two boys wanted to just leave, the way that this man was speaking creeped them both out to no end. He sounded so robotic. Well, they supposed, he did have to do this everyday, didn’t he? It would become mundane for anyone. 

“Keep looking at each other. Repeat after me. Phil, you’re first.” 

Phil looked to the man and nodded. 

“I promise to remain with my soulmate.” 

“I promise to remain with my soulmate.”

“If I don’t, I know the punishments that come with doing something like leaving.” 

Phil really wanted to leave now. What was this? This wasn’t what he imagined a wedding to be like. Why didn’t his parents warn him how awful this would be? 

“If I don’t, I know the punishments that come with doing something like leaving.” He finally repeated, hoping that he didn’t seem nervous. 

The man was staring at him. “I will stay here with Dan, my soulmate, until I’m no longer in this world.” 

“I will stay here with Dan, my soulmate, until I’m no longer in this world.” 

“Okay, great. It’s Dan’s turn now.” 

He repeated the words just as he was supposed to, and then came the worst part. The part that made Phil the most nervous. The kiss, the thing that supposedly bonded two soulmates for life. 

They both leaned it. It was only a split second, but it was up there with the most awkward things he ever had to do. 

The parents got up and clapped. 

Dan and Phil ran over to their families. 

“Why didn’t you tell me this was like joining a cult?” Dan whispered to his mom, but loud enough for Phil to hear, because he let out a snicker. 

“Dan! Shh. You’re not allowed to share what is said at weddings, it’s a whole legal thing. And also, does any of that matter? Look at how beautiful this all is!” 

Dan rolled his eyes. He loved his mother, loved how she always tried to make the best out of everything, but now just wasn’t the time. 

“Everybody go inside, and enjoy dinner and dessert with your new families!” 

XX 

“Thank you so much for all of the money that you put into this. It means a lot. I’m sorry I couldn’t put in as much. If there’s any way I can repay you, please let me know.” Dan’s mother said, poking an oven baked potato with her fork and shoving it into her mouth. It was her first time of the day eating, and she was beyond hungry. 

“Oh, don’t worry about it! We had to make this a special day, you know! After this, there’s going to be the fireworks! Now, we have another son! Isn’t that amazing?” She asked, nudging her husband. 

“It is. It’s great to have you in our family, Dan.” The man said. 

“Thank you. It’s great to be a part.” 

“And it’s great to have you as one of us, Phil.” Dan’s mother said warmly. 

They ate the rest of their meal, chit chatting amongst themselves. About life, telling stories about the past, just anything that they could talk about. It was actually quite relieving and nice to be having a moment like this. 

Dan and Phil were both still trying to wrap their heads around the fact that they had done this, they made it. They didn’t have to dread this day anymore, be nervous about it at all. It was done. 

After they were done, they gathered outside for the fireworks. They ooed aahed as they watched the sky fill with colorful shapes and patterns. 

The finale was of course the two boys’ names, along with the date. 

“See, that wasn’t as bad as you thought, right boys?” Phil’s mother asked.

Maybe it wasn’t. It was odd for the two of them, sure. But it wasn’t the worst thing to ever happen. All of them huddled around each other, staring up at the stars wasn’t so bad either. For once, Dan felt like he had a whole family. People who cared about him, at least a little bit. He envisioned this day to be absolutely awful, a train wreck, but it was over so quickly he didn’t even have the chance to think about it and dread it. 

And for Phil, he was happy to finally see a genuine smile on Dan. He knew it was only temporary, as soon as Dan grasped just what was going on, he wouldn’t be so happy, but that didn’t matter. This was the present, and this was actually a good moment, one that he wasn’t expecting by any means. 

It wasn’t as bad as they had thought, after all. 

XX 

A/N: well, Dan and Phil are officially married, but obviously this doesn’t mean we’re close to the end, we still had LOTS more to get through lads. 

Also, yes, this wasn’t supposed to be like a typical wedding. Remember, this is a different world. In this world things are a lot more mandated and forced, resulting in a ceremony that isn’t as special as ones in the real world are. 

Anyways, as always, thanks so much for reading, hope u all enjoyed this chapter, sorry again for taking so long to update, love u always, stay amazing!!


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